Following my heart.
I can’t believe it’s been two years since I’ve written on this site! It’s perfect to reconnect now as I’m taking another leap. I’m taking the risk and letting go of any guaranteed dollars for time, and jumping into trusting Self to put myself out there as a free agent.
I’ve done so much personal work over the years, it feels like it’s finally paying off. No longer are they reminder words posted on the fridge, instead my regular set point inner state is peace, ease and calm. Any given day you might look outside, see me walking by with a big silly grin on my face cause I’m taking stock of how far I come, how great I feel and how grateful I am for everything around me.
It wasn’t always this way. Like many of us here in this human experience, I had many lessons to learn and much pain to process. I have been busy deconstructing core beliefs and rebuilding all based on what I now know. I have integrated so many lost parts and practiced self kindness to the point I consider myself a loving and kind friend to myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and, regardless of the dark circles under my eyes and the spotting of a new wrinkle, I can genuinely look at myself and say, ‘I love you.’ At one time that would’ve been heartbreakingly impossible.
It’s not that the stressors aren’t there. nor that I have everything figured out with no real life concerns…those indeed exist. It’s more that my lens has changed. I see it all differently. My perspective has shifted. And my system is more often even-steven and regulated, allowing me to perceive in a way that isn’t fearful. I’ve learned to trust myself so I know I’m in good hands. 50 years is long enough to be afraid. In this my 50th year, I’ve officially shifted from ‘surviving to thriving’ and now I’m ready to level up further.
Now I’m into a mode where I’d like to hone the ability to only use my mind as a tool in those moments I purposely invite it in. (As opposed to my mind taking hold of my entire being and changing my state without my awareness based on habitual and unmonitored run-on limiting thoughts.) I want to experiment with staying centred, regularly clarifying my intention with open hearted faith. I want to change the habits of controlling and choreographing my life hyper-vigilantly and instead lean back and allow for my intuition to perceive universal nudges and instincts, and see what unfolds. Allowing doesn’t mean waiting around for things to come my way. It means, once resistance is dismantled and integrated, I’m wise to move forward through inspired action responding to the bread crumbs, or the easter eggs, that become obvious when I’m connected to the present moment of Awareness and am open to receive. My assignment for an undetermined period of time, will be to catch any habitual fear-based thinking, and to pivot away from that and strictly focus on connecting with the feelings of exhilaration, passion, curiousity and creativity. I will follow my heart. Let’s see what comes of this game!
